An open letter to Hasbro and the Brony community

I was going to write a bit of a history intro to this article, but in doing some research on children's TV, specifically the conversion from entertainment to 100% marketing, I stumbled across this article at Cracked (one of the most unbiased sources of news today).  The preamble sums it up better than I could:

Most Gen-Xers don't realize that they owe many of their Christmas memories to the FCC. During the early '80s, parents became concerned by the kinds of things their kids were seeing on TV, so they asked for new rules regulating advertisements shown during kids' shows. Bowing to pressure from the White House and from toy makers, the FCC responded to these concerns by pretty much deregulating children's television altogether. Kids' shows quickly became half-hour commercials for toy lines, which parents began buying at unbelievable rates.

I wasn't all that surprised to find that Hasbro was one of the main culprits in this conversion.  G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero was pretty much designed from day one to be a vehicle to sell more action figures from their dead toy line to kids.  Following on the success of Lucas' prostitution of the Star Wars franchise, everyone wanted the opportunity to bombard kids with new shows that featured dozens of main and background characters that could be pumped out by being assembled by slave labor in China to a slathering audience desperate to play with such memorable characters as He-Man's friend, Cocaine Bear.

Fast forward to 5 years ago when my wife and I were expecting our first child.  Not wanting her to be a fully programmed consumption machine, we made the "difficult" decision to get rid of cable entirely and limit ourselves to online programming only.  I quoted difficult because it turned out the only part that was difficult was the follow through of the decision.  Five years later, I honestly don't miss cable at all.  My wife, stuck at home with the kids all day, is starting to feel the jones, though.

On the whole, I think we've done a good job keeping our girls from being spoiled brats. We limit their TV programs only to what we can find on Netflix or online, and even then only allow access to those shows that either are educational or have a reasonably good message.  Our oldest daughter's current favorite is the new My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic series.  Now, I'll add the disclaimer here that I have decided to fully embrace my bronihood.  I even have my own Zecora figure sitting on my desk at work.  (Now don't start being a smart alec, it sits alongside my "new paradigm" dalek.)  But, my rant below is all about my girls...

Yesterday was oldest daughter's first day of pre-school, so I took the opportunity to hit a Toys R Us to see if I could FIND a Zecora for her.  You see, the problem with My Little Pony is there are primarily two types of people buying the figures: adult bronies with cash to spare and adults scooping them all up so they can resell them online for higher prices.  The fact that these are toys made for kids doesn't come into the equation.  Zecora sells out within hours of being put up on the Toys R Us websites, and almost as quickly in the stores.  If you want one, you've got to be fairly lucky or willing to spend twice as much to get one.

And, whose at fault for the root of this problem?  Richard Garfield.   "Wait!  Isn't he the guy who invented Magic: The Gathering?"  Yup.  And, as much as I love the game, I have to admit the deleterious effect it had on the gaming industry.  Most card games after ended up being collectible. Why?  Maximizing profit, of course.  Hell, even the newest iterations of D&D now use miniatures that come in semi-collectible blind packs.

Thanks also to Pokemon, this meme has infected the general toy industry, too.  Nearly every toy line these days has at least one set of items that comes in a blind pack and is collectible.  Except...they're not, really.  The companies have learned that they can gouge the hell out of their customers by creating an artificial scarcity for their products.  This forces consumers to buy large quantities of product that they don't want in order to acquire the small quantities they do.  As a result, secondary markets open up that serve to gouge consumers further by charging insane prices for the individual items folks should just be able to buy to begin with.

And, it leaves me scrambling to find boy ponies for my daughter.  Of the little molded figures that come in the blind packs, and are the most fun and easiest for small hands to play with, that's what she wants the most:  some boy ponies.  We caved and bought her quite a few of the blind packs so she could have the small ones to play with, but she was disappointed to find no boys in the mix (I know, I'm worried, too).  This latest set is the first to have boys, so when I saw some packs I decided to get her some.  But, first, I looked online because I knew some collectors had "decoded" the codes on the bags to determine what was inside.

With a list of the four codes representing boys in hand, I hit the store only to find two full display boxes full of bags...and only one boy in the lot (fortunately, it was Big Mac who she wanted most of all!).  The store had even taken to shrink wrapping the bags to minimize the possibility of folks buying only the most "valuable" ones.

Assholes.

Here's the deal collectors: you might make a small amount of profit by taking toys from my daughter for a short period, but if you think putting these in boxes to fund your kid's college education in 15 years is going to work you're sadly mistaken.  Remember, it's an artificial scarcity only.  The increased prices will only last as long as they're on the shelves.  After that, prices WILL fall.   In 15 years, that box of Big Macs you've got stashed away will be worth less than what you paid for them, even counting for inflation.  Trust me.  Fortunately, my little girl's got a daddy who will jump through hoops to get her the one or two figures she really wants.  But, if I catch one of you in the store rooting through blind bags...well, just keep in mind, the baseball bats are near and my anger is quick.

As for Hasbro, I know you're not going to change.  You're a prime example of the evil side of capitalism.  You're happy to gouge the parents of kids who just want some toys to play with only to maximize your bottom line.  Rather than putting out these figures into boxes that allow me to know what I'm getting, you'd prefer I instead pay $60 for the figure I want rather than $2.  I hope each of your executives spend an eternity in hell being finger-cuffed by Rarity and Twilight.

Oh, and Princess Celestia is white.  You might want to watch your own damn show before putting out toys based on it!